I was becoming too angry for things now. I mean it is normal to feel pissed but I hate how sometimes I was so taken by it. Sometimes when I got alone and still so angry, I have to swear, complete with teeth gritting and veins bulging drama. Almost instantly, I will feel so disappointed and afraid with myself.
I don't swear to people guys, yes I say fuck and shit all the time but never with anger towards peoples. That is why I'm getting so paranoid now.
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The issue is - the main reason that got me so angry is that the things keep on happening and there is literally nothing I can do about it. I noticed I get into this Hulk mode for the same reason or person while in some other cases I was so chill. The two extremes are what makes me so scared. Am I becoming this person who had unresolved issues stayed within them and slowly rotting me out?
My personal life lately hasn't been the peachiest of all. But that's just life. I'll get over it somehow, sometime. But I can't help feeling so hopeless at times that I just want to start everything over again and just leave this life behind. I feel that I can do so many things but I have been held down here.
Still, I have achieved so much now and have so many things too precious to just let it go. Bad times are there, hurting, but the good times made it worth fighting for.
So I have to let go of this Hulk's alter ego that resided within me. I have to make peace with gory things that won't let me be alone. I made a poem about this the other day on my Instagram poetry account. About how pain is not really an enemy. How by accepting it and then still keeping it was just part of life.
Do you have any inner demons to fight today?
I couldn't find the cause of the anger here.
ReplyDeleteBecause I didn't wrote it. There a few reasons why but the most important thing is that the cause is not the one I'm bothered with but the part I was being angry that really got me. I don't my anger to overrule my system and gets me haywire.
DeleteI have demons in me. In a constant battle of hope and hopeless. What made it worst when the people around you slowly pushing you away. When you need help and believe in someone that they can help. Instead, they turned away. The demons inside me whispers, inviting me to doom.
ReplyDeleteThat is a prose right there. I totally understand how it feels. We are the unwanted souls.
Don't be so dark with meeeeeeeeeee.
DeleteGood ones though. We are the unwanted souls. The eerie truth accompanying it just made it worst.